The reluctant hero archetype inspired reflection, contemplation, and deep respect when working with the wolf spirit totem medicine.
I have always been a free spirit and have an appetite for freedom, but I have always desired community and deep connection. Balancing those seemingly opposite realities of my nature has been a juxtaposition of contrasting effects.
I participated in a shamanic soul retrieval in 2017 after struggling with severe PTSD. The crushing feeling in my heart, crippling fear, and paranoia would jolt me out of bed with anxiety, and I would be left sobbing. Nothing helped. It felt that something was seriously wrong with me, and a part of my soul was fragmented and lost. I had to retrieve it but needed help. In that ceremony, a lot was revealed, and healing was possible. We both had visions without the assistance of plant medicine. He asked me if a wolf meant anything to me, and I said no. I did not have any visions of a wolf, but he did. I didn’t overthink it until a kindred spirit mirrored this medicine back to me years later, in 2022.
While deep healing and accepting my shadow and polarities, I faced a mirror of significant proportion.
This mirror is a long-time friend. He was always a loving and kind human, and in an instant of pure passion of emotion, he morphed into a wolf in front of me. I am a clairvoyant and have had synesthesia my whole life, so I knew I wasn’t going crazy, so I just accepted the image and marveled at the beauty of this powerful spiritual energy of loyalty, protection, community/connection, wisdom, intuition, freedom, sharp intelligence, instincts, leadership, and adaptability.
However, there is a dark side to this energy of isolation, greed/selfishness, dishonesty, feeling threatened, and lack of trust, dominance, and control.
My dear friend and soul ally, mirrored this medicine back to me for the first time in our 16-years of friendship to help me come full circle to the wolf spirit present in the underworld of my souls journey. To see another and myself in their polarity and love them and myself anyway.
I spent years in isolation, fearing being hurt again after significant trauma. I was selfish and let the world’s trappings fill me with greed. I have been dishonest and deceptive to get what I want when feeling threatened. I have not trusted my soul allies, and I did not trust my instincts after years of abuse. I thought controlling my environment would protect me, but it just left me more isolated. Unconditional love does not equal control, and my free spirit was out of sync with her natural rhythms.
The reluctant hero archetype is fitting for this medicine. While on this journey of accepting the polarities of our nature, we are faced with a call to action. Do we continue to doubt ourselves, or do we accept the entirety of our nature and commit to a life of integrity and compassion regardless of our imperfect nature? For me, the answer is yes. I am free when I accept both, but I do the work daily to express the high vibe nature and not the low vibe. We all have a choice and must use our power for good. In this, I find balance.
The inspiration for this is my story, but I intend that each person who is gifted the ‘Wolf Spirit Giving Pendant’ will research and reflect on what the wolf spirit animal’s meaning is for them and how they can work with this powerful medicine to experience deep healing.